March 2nd, 2017 my now husband asked me to be his girlfriend. May 2, 2017, on Waikiki Beach at sunset he asked me to be his fiance. We planned on getting married on September 8, 2018. From the day we became a “thing” we knew we wanted kids. We already had decided on a girls name but didn’t have a boys name we both liked.
On January 9, 2018, I went to the doctor for a pain I had been having in my lower lung. Since I had just had surgery two weeks prior the doctor was concerned it could be a blood clot. I was sent to get a CT Scan and Ultrasound. The CT tech (who also my previous co-worker) reminded me that the standard protocol for a CT scan was a pregnancy test. No big deal, I just had surgery two weeks prior and it was negative. About twenty minutes later the tech calls me into the hallway and I think it’s time for the scan, ha. Nope, he tells me I’m pregnant. I said “what? No way! I Just had surgery two weeks ago, I don’t believe it!” The tech calls the doctor for a blood test and I run outside to call Jason. I am in shock so when Jason answers all I can say is “It’s Positive” He immediately thinks I’m talking about the blood clot, I said no….the pregnancy test! We were both in shock. We decide not to tell anyone until we get the HCG blood test back.
I go back inside and talk to the tech and I get my blood drawn. He sends me back to work as we have to research and find out if I am even eligible for the scan since I am now pregnant. After a few hours, we got the doctor to sign off on the scan because the blood test results came back showing I was between 6-8 weeks pregnant. Too early for the contrast to hurt the embryo. Come to find out the pain that I was having was just nerves settling from having the surgery and my body adjusting to being pregnant. Thank goodness I didn’t have a clot!
Later that I evening, I finally get to see Jason in person. Still, in shock, we decide we want to tell our parents and wait to tell everyone else since it was still so early. We buy little onesies for them to open and everyone is ecstatic that a new baby was on the way. The first grandchild for Jason’s family and my mom. Jason’s family swore it was going to be a boy, while my side mostly said girl but some agreed on it being a boy. I had always dreamt of having a little girl and was convinced that’s what we were having. Jason was convinced it was a boy.
I was so convinced we were having a girl, I kept saying “she” when referring to the baby. I was looking at baby items for girls, everything was pink, sparkly, rose gold, or frilly. She was going to be a girly girl. A little doll for me to dress up. I had plans on painting the nursery pink and decorating it in a mermaid theme. ( I am OBSESSED with mermaids) Around week 11 of the pregnancy, we were able to do a blood test to find out the sex and if the baby had any genetic mutations. The night before we found out the sex, I was laying in bed watching the Kardashians…if you follow them, it was the episode where Khloe gets the call from Kylie that she is having a girl when Khloe was convinced she was having a boy..remember how devastated she was and that she was NOT excited about being a girl? I was so convinced that I was having a girl that I recorded this scene and sent it to Jason, telling him that if I found out we were having a boy this would be my EXACT reaction. No need to worry though because we were having a GIRL. we just had to be having a girl.
March 5, 2018, I get the phone call… the baby is perfect and does not have any genetic mutations. The medical assistant asks if I want to know the sex, I immediately say yes and she tells me…she tells me its a boy… A BOY?! I asked. I swore she was looking at the wrong test, we were having a GIRL. She said it was definitely a boy and the disappointment set in. I immediately call Jason and ask him if he can meet me outside ( we work on the same site, just different buildings) I run to the car and grab the boy onesie that I had purchased and throw it in the gift bag for him to open. Jason opens the bag and the news is out, he was right and I was wrong… It’s a boy. I have never in my life seen Jason so excited, even to this day. Daddy was getting the son he had always hoped for. Mommy was still disappointed and in shock that we were having a boy.
It took me a few months to get over the fact that we were having a boy and I was going to have a smelly, dirty, bug catching, tree climbing, a broken bone little boy running around. Everyone tried to convince me that it was going to be the best thing and I would love having a “mama’s boy”. Inside I loved this baby more than anything whether it was a boy or girl, I just never saw myself as a boy mom. I didn’t know how to be a boy mom, I’m girly and don’t like to get dirty. As time went on I got more used to the idea, each kick and movement I felt from him the more I came to terms with having a boy. Eventually, Jason and I had a list of names and one day we were sitting around the kitchen table going through them and we said no to every name until we got to Sawyer, I read it aloud and we both knew that was our babies name. We chose James for the middle name after my grandfather (who raised me). The nursery was decorated in a nautical theme and I quickly became obsessed with whales for the baby.
I never understood what everyone was saying about having a boy and how amazing the bond is between a mother and her son until September 1, 2018, at 12:10 pm when they laid this beautiful baby boy on my chest for the first time. All the fears I had about being a boy mom instantly went away when he locked eyes with me. He was perfect and I was his mama and was ready to be a boy mom. Months have gone by and with each passing day, I see my newborn baby boy slowly but ever so quickly turning into a little man. Sawyer is now six months old and our bond is stronger than ever. If I have learned anything over the past six months it’s that being a boy mom is what I was born to do. He fills a void I have a had that I didn’t know how to previously fill, he has changed me to be a softer, kinder person, he has made me realize that I will someday be able to handle the bug catching, dirt playing, broken bone little boy he will grow up to be. That he will forever be the prince in our kingdom and I am the reigning Queen. Which is great because he has also shown me that am not ready to pass down my crown to the princess we may one day have. Even though I was so skeptical, and I still do hope that we have a girl one day, for now being a boy mom… is the best thing that has ever happened to me and I wouldn’t trade it for the world.