I have been officially diagnosed with anxiety and slight depression for a few years now. I’ve been on medication to help keep it at bay and I’ve also found other ways to cope. Before I got pregnant with my son I was established with new (but old) OBGYN. The OBGYN was my previous doctor from a few years back and I had finally found his new clinic. We were talking about the medications that I was on and what would happen if and when I did get pregnant. At the time of the appointment my husband (then fiance) and I weren’t planning on becoming pregnant but the more we had planned out for when we were ready to try the more relaxed I was. Luckily, the medication I was on for my anxiety and depression was approved to be on during pregnancy. This eased some concern for me.
About a month after my appointment I found out I was pregnant. (see the Boy Mom a
With the way the pregnancy was going and how well I had handled everything, I was becoming less worried that I would develop PPD. September 1,2018 Sawyer decided to make his presence in the world. The labor was quick at only four in a half hours from the time my water broke to the time Sawyer was delivered. The first 48 hours were rough in the hospital. Sawyer was constantly wanting to feed and to use me as a pacifier. When I did finally fall asleep the nurses would come in to get vitals and do the wellness checks, once those were over Sawyer would be awake again. I begged to go home because I just wanted to rest and I wasn’t getting any rest being at the hospital. Once we were finally home it was hard to get rest but it was better than being at the hospital. We were bombarded with the family wanting to visit or wanting to facetime; which of course is normal with a new baby. Everyone wanted to watch Sawyer while I slept but I had a hard time letting that happen, I just couldn’t leave my baby even if he was in the same house as me. I wasn’t eating much because it seemed like every time I would get an opportunity to eat…Sawyer needed or wanted something but again, I had a hard time letting people come over and help me when they offered or even asking for help. I thought I might just be suffering from the Baby Blues.
A couple of months went by and suddenly it was time for me to go back into the office. The weeks of working from home and being with my baby 24/7 were over. Where had the time gone? The first week being away from Sawyer was the hardest. This is when I really started to notice changes in myself. I just wanted to be home. I wasn’t talking to my coworkers much and I felt like I was overwhelmed at work. My mood swings were out of this world and I honestly don’t know how my husband didn’t file for divorce. I was so mean and angry when it came to him but I couldn’t tell him why. That wasn’t fair to him, Sawyer or myself. This is when I reached out to my best friend, thinking I was just suffering from lingering baby blues. I told her I was feeling different, explained the rage, the overwhelming anxiety when I was going into certain situations and around certain people, I explained that I felt like I was ruining my marriage and I couldn’t figure out what was going on. We talked about the dreaded Postpartum Depression and how she thought I might have it. Immediately I sent a text to my husband and called my OB. The OB told me to wait it out and see if the current meds I was on helped at all. I knew they weren’t helping and I didn’t want to wait and potentially have thing get worse so I called my Primary Care doctor. I told them my symptoms and they immediately upped the medication. A few weeks after the medication dose was changed, I was beginning to feel like my old self. My husband enjoyed my company again and I wasn’t as anxious or overwhelmed. I am now almost 7 months postpartum and while I still have moments where my Postpartum affects me, I am glad that I opened up and talked about what I was feeling instead of holding it inside and letting time go by.
If you or someone you know is suffering from Postpartum or feels like they might be, there are resources available to you. There is a hotline you can call if a doctor is unavailable. National Postpartum Depression Hotline: 1-800-PPD-MOMS