“You have to find the courage to let go when you are no longer being pulled to the energy you want. You must find the strength to leave when what you want is no longer there.
You cannot find your worth in someone else or by proving it. Your value is found when you become aware of how worthy you are and what’s really worth your energy”
I remember 3 ½ years ago I was living with my then-boyfriend waiting to get out of the relationship. Praying and hoping that the apartment I was looking for would come open soon. That once that apartment came open, the stars would align, and I would have the funds to be able to sign for the lease on the apartment.
You see, when I first entered that relationship there were a lot of red flags that I chose to ignore and told myself they would get better; they never did. The lying, drinking, ignoring my phone calls and text messages, calling me names, and telling me I didn’t deserve to be with anyone, and I would die alone all got worse. So bad that I started to believe the things that he told me.
I had suffered from anxiety for years before I met the person, I was with 3 ½ years ago and he would use that against me. He knew what to say and when to say it to put me into a full-blown panic attack. He knew what situations to put me in and what people to have around to trigger the stress and anxiety attacks and I allowed all these things to happen, why? Because he had broken me down so much that I believed I wasn’t worthy of anything more, of anything better, of a man treating me like a queen (like all women should be treated.)
Then one night I hit my breaking point, one of our mutual friends’ text me and told me I had been lied to once again. This time he took it too far (because he hadn’t taken it far enough all the other times *sigh*) and enough was enough. I text another friend of mine and she said I could move in with her until I found a place, and so I did. I was finally leaving the toxic relationship that made me believe I wasn’t worthy of being happy, being loved, or even being treated like a decent human being. I. wasn’t. enough.
Once he found out I was moving, he put on a front to “change”, he told me he would do anything to get me back. I was finally strong enough to tell him no. To ignore the “changed” man he was. I started surrounding myself with people who were positive, who made me feel good, who built me up instead of tearing me down. Without even looking I found Jason, my husband, who knows that I have anxiety and knows that when it flares up, the anxiety itself makes me seem crazy but it doesn’t mean that I am crazy. Who helps me figure out the cause of the anxiety and work through it. Who makes me believe that I am worthy of being treated like a queen and being loved. I. AM. ENOUGH.
“Some people need to be told they are worthy, that they are loved, not because nobody ever told them before, but because somebody told them they weren’t.”
I would like to thank Lillian & Co for gifting me with this beautiful Rose Gold ” I am enough”