What a year 28 was. I gave birth to my daughter, survived the pandemic and lost a dear friend on the anniversary of the day we always celebrated my birthday together. 

My 20s have been such a great learning experience and now that I am entering the last year of them, I want to share some things I’ve learned.

1. Everyone is on a different timeline. Don’t pressure yourself to be on society’s timeline, do what works for you. In my early 20s I was engaged to someone that I knew wasn’t right for me but I wanted to follow the societal norm and be married and have kids by 25. Thank goodness I realized that wasn’t the right thing for me and I waited until I found “the one”.

2. Having a small circle of friends is better than a large circle of acquaintances. I used to be the girl who was friends with everyone. Who wanted to be involved in all things and have a social life. I quickly realized that not everyone is in the relationship like you may be. I now have a small circle that I keep close and that’s all that I need.

3. Don’t wait until you’re ready to follow your dreams! While I am lucky to have a supportive spouse who loves that I have created this online presence and turned it into a small business. I often wonder what would have happened if I would have followed my dreams much earlier in my 20s. Although I know I can’t go back and I don’t have any regrets. Don’t wait to follow your dreams, there is never a “right” time. JUST DO IT!

4. Stay close to your family.  At the end of the day — family is all you’ve got. I don’t know where I would be if I didn’t have my grandparents. They have supported me and stuck by me through my whole life and have always helped bail me out if I needed it. Remember as you get older your family is too. You don’t realize it when you’re younger but now I spend as much time as I can with my family because I’m not the only one getting older, I’m also watching them grow older.

5. Mental health is just as important as physical health. I never paid much attention to my mental health growing up because it isn’t talked about much, you’re just taught about your physical health. Once I realized that my mental health is more important than my physical health I started taking better care of myself. For me, when my mental health isn’t good, it comes out in physical ways. In order for me to take care of my physical health, I have to take care of my mental health. That meant removing people from my life, not putting myself in situations that made me uncomfortable, and leaving toxic atmospheres…like a job.

6. Being a parent is the most rewarding yet the hardest job you will ever have. I wanted to be a mom for as long as I could remember but I never realized how hard it would be. Breaking generational curses and trying to be a gentle parent or find a way that works for our family is HARD. Being a working mom is HARD. Being a stay at home mom is HARD. Being a work from home mom is HARD. Do what is best for you and your family, you’re going to be judged regardless of what choice you make.

7. Take care of your skin!! I started a consistent skin care treatment with high end products that have ingredients that are good for your skin from a young age. You only get one set of skin. Wear your sunscreen. (I’m still working on that one.)

8. Find your Mom Tribe. Having a mom tribe is just as important as having a good/small circle of friends. These are the moms that you can say any and everything too without judgement. Who love your children as their own. Who understands that some days being a mom just SUCKS and allows you to miss the old you before you were a mom. 

9. Research and learn about credit. Why they don’t teach you about credit in school is beyond me. I would have much rather learned about credit than geometry but lucky for me I had to learn some hard lessons with my credit before I got it to a “GOOD” status. Stay away from credit cards if you have a shopping problem, they won’t help you but they will hurt you and it will take you years to recover from the damage you’ve done.

10.  Work hard, nothing is going to be handed to you. Everything you want and dream about will take a lot of work to get to but once you do reach those goals and dreams, all the blood, sweat, and tears (yes, there will be tears) will be more than worth it.

11.  Find yourself. Love yourself. DO NOT SILENCE yourself to fit someone else’s mold. Almost every relationship I was in before Jason I changed something about me because I thought they would love me if I did. That didn’t happen but it did give them power over me. Once I realized that and found myself and I learned how to love myself who I truly am, all of that changed and I can and will no longer be silenced. 

12.  Marriage isnt easy. Even the most perfect of matches will have hard times but it’s how you handle those hard times that matter. If he is worth it to you, if the relationship is worth it to you, figure out how to solve and come to the root of the issues. Do not give up, nothing will last if you throw in the towel at the first sign of it being hard.

13.  Do not compare yourself to someone else’s highlight reel, middle, or end. You aren’t on the same journey as everyone else. Admire the journey they’re on while building and creating your own. 

14.  Success has many definitions. You don’t have to live up to the societal definition of success to be successful. Find out what success means to you and go after it. Do not stop working for it until you find it. 

15.  Therapy doesn’t make you weak. I have gone to therapy many times and although it can be tough at times I come out so much stronger. Do not be afraid to do what you need to do for you and your mental health.

16.  Presence over Presents. I can’t tell you how many times I have said this to someone. Experiences stand out so much more to me than any designer bag I have or have had in the past. Spend time with those that matter most to you.

17.  Social Media doesn’t have to be a negative experience. In fact I have made some of my closest friends on Instagram. Find the profiles that speak to you, that bring you happiness and you enjoy following. If they are bringing you anything other than happiness. Unfollow them!

18.  It’s okay if you lose people while you’re busy working on you and your empire. If they can’t support you through the hard times, you dont want them there for the good times. I can’t tell you how many friends I’ve lost while building my empire and working towards my success. All because I didn’t have the time to hang out on a consistent basis. Sorry, my empire was calling.🤷🏼‍♀️

19.  Step out of your comfort zone. That is the only way you’re going to grow. Take the risk. Accept the invite. Whatever it is that makes you uncomfortable, take the opportunity to seize the day and learn something from the experience even if you’re uncomfortable.

20.  Actions are more important than words. Anyone can say anything to you but if their actions aren’t backing up what they say, believe what you’re seeing and not hearing.

21.  I am not for everyone and that is OK! I have RBF that makes me unapproachable and look intimidating and while I am a kind person with a big heart, I still have my very opinionated and blunt side that makes me not be for everyone. 

22. It’s okay to be stoic when it comes to tough situations. When my friend was in the hospital many of our mutual friends and her boyfriend came to me because I was the only one who could stay logical during the situations. When she passed away I didn’t cry, I felt peace. Peace because I knew she was no longer hurting. Of course I miss her and wish she could be here today but remaining positive and remembering the good times.

23.  Take a mental health day, you will thank yourself later. Some days I just don’t feel like doing anything and I have finally learned that is okay. That is my body’s way of telling me to slow down, enjoy the day. Nap if you want to or binge watch a tv show you’ve been wanting to see. Just take the day and relax.

24.  Forgive, not because it’s the right thing to do or because it will make the other person feel better but it will make YOU feel better. Holding on to something that you can’t change doesn’t bring you happiness. It brings hurt and pain which can show itself in other situations. Figure out a way to forgive and move on so you aren’t holding yourself back.

25.  You don’t have to drink or do drugs to have fun. Some may disagree with me but I have never done drugs, I’ve never even smoked weed, ate an edible or anything. Drinking isn’t something you have to do to have fun either, I went through a brief time where I would drink on the weekends with my friends and it just wasn’t for me. The money it costs to go out and the way alcohol can make you feel ain’t it for me. I’d rather be sober and have memories. 

26.  Just because you don’t agree with someone’s feelings or they dont agree with yours doesn’t mean they aren’t valid. You can’t and shouldn’t tell someone that they don’t get to feel the way they are feeling. We all have a right to our emotions.

27.  I was not made to be a housewife. Sorry, Jason. My work ethic is way too strong for me to sit at home all day and clean the house. Working from home while taking care of the kids and the house if I have time is the most you’ll get for me. I know you aren’t mad about the paycheck when it hits the account though. 😘

28.  The chores can wait. Play with the kids, sit with them, cuddle with them. They are only little for a little while and you will never get those days back.

29.  Listen to your gut. If something feels off. It probably is. Don’t be afraid to listen and be in tune with yourself in life. 

Here’s to turning 29 and the last year of my 20s. I cant wait to see what this year brings and where it takes me. I know it’ll be the best year yet!